The back-to-school season brings with many emotions: anticipation, excitement, and for many children, strong anxiety. If your child expresses fear, resists returning to school, or shows physical symptoms like stomachaches and headaches, they may be struggling with school anxiety. With the right tools and understanding, you can guide your child through this transition and help them develop the skills they need to feel more confident at school, whether they are entering kindergarten or heading into middle school.

Recognize the Signs of School Anxiety

School anxiety doesn’t always look like worry or fear. Anxiety is often hidden beneath behaviors that can be confusing or frustrating to parents:

Complaints of stomachaches, headaches, or nausea
Irritability or meltdowns in the morning
Difficulty sleeping as school approaches
Refusal to go to school
Tantrums or tears when separating from parents
Perfectionism, fear of failure, or constant reassurance-seeking
Avoiding school preparation or school-related conversations

These symptoms are often mistaken for behavioral issues. But they are often the child’s way of expressing internal distress about the perceived threat of school. Identifying anxiety early is key to addressing it effectively. A tip for parents is to start tracking your child’s symptoms a week or two before school. Note patterns: What triggers anxiety? When is it strongest?

Start Routines Early to Rebuild Structure

Children with anxiety thrive on structure and predictability. Sudden shifts in schedule, like going from a relaxed summer to a structured school schedule can feel like a shock. When children know what to expect, they feel more in control and less overwhelmed.

How to prepare your child’s body and brain for school:

Begin school-year wake/sleep schedules at least 1–2 weeks before school starts.
Practice your morning routine *with* your child: laying out clothes, brushing teeth, eating breakfast, and packing their backpack. This will help mornings feel predictable and less rushed.

Validate Their Emotions

It’s natural to want to reassure your child when they’re upset, but avoid brushing off or minimizing anxious feelings. Saying “You’ll be fine!” or “There’s nothing to worry about” can make kids feel misunderstood. Instead, acknowledge their emotions and listen with empathy. Letting your child talk without immediately trying to “fix” things can lower their emotional load, just by knowing you understand their feelings.

Instead, try saying:

“You’re not the only one who gets nervous. It makes sense you feel this way.”
“What part of going back to school makes you most nervous?”
“I’m here for you.”
“I understand that going back to school feels scary.”

Practice Coping Tools Before School Starts

Children with anxiety need practical tools, not just encouragement, to manage big feelings. There are several kid-friendly techniques for calming the body and managing anxious thoughts. The key is to teach these skills before your child is overwhelmed. The more your child practices these tools in advance, the easier it will be to use them when anxiety hits.

Top Coping Strategies to Teach:

**Belly Breathing:** Have your child place a hand on their belly and take slow, deep breaths. This slows the nervous system.
**Worry Time:** Set aside a short, predictable time each day to talk about worries, around 10–15 minutes. Limiting worry discussions to this window helps prevent constant overthinking.
**Positive Self-Talk:** Help your child create a list of encouraging phrases like “I can handle this” or “It’s okay to be nervous”
**Visualization:** Help your child create a mental picture of a smooth school day, from getting ready in the morning to interacting positively with peers. Encourage them to imagine what they see, hear, and feel.

Avoid Avoidance: Help Them Face Fears Step by Step

Avoidance makes anxiety stronger. Staying home due to anxiety can keep children from discovering that they can handle school challenges and come out stronger. Instead, their brain links home with safety and school with fear.

How to support attendance without overwhelming your child:

Set expectations: Be consistent. Let your child know that school is required, and that you will support them every step of the way.
Break it into steps: You might start with a half-day, or set up a mid-day check-in if your school allows it.
Praise effort: Praise effort, not perfection. Celebrate the small wins, even if the day wasn’t perfect.

Communicate With School Staff Early

You don’t have to handle this alone. It is encouraged to form a team with teachers, school counselors, and administrators. Educators want to help, but they can’t support your child if they don’t know what’s going on. When school staff understand your child’s needs, they can respond with compassion and consistency, rather than confusion.

Steps to take:

Let them know your child is experiencing school anxiety and what you’re doing at home to support them.
Share which strategies help your child calm down. Ask if they can access a quiet space or talk to a trusted adult during the day.
Work together on a consistent morning drop-off routine, especially if separation is tough.

Support Yourself as a Parent

Supporting an anxious child can be emotionally draining for parents. You may feel guilt, fear, frustration, or even resentment, and all of those feelings are valid. Remember to check in with your own mental health. Make sure to talk to others you trust who can help you process your feelings and feel less alone. Take breaks when possible, because it’s okay to step away and recharge. Lastly, set realistic expectations. The goal isn’t to eliminate anxiety completely, it’s to help your child gain the confidence and skills to manage it over time.Your ability to stay calm, set limits, and model problem-solving will have a powerful influence on your child’s ability to cope.

Resources

Mayer, D. P. (2008). Overcoming school anxiety: How to help your child deal with separation, tests, homework, bullies, math phobia, and other worries. New Harbinger Publications.

A Parent’s Guide to Easing Back-to-School Anxiety