What Do Parents Do Instead? Supportive Responses in SPACE: Part 3
In the previous post, we talked about parental accommodation—the ways parents naturally adjust their behavior to reduce a child’s anxiety in the moment.
Once parents begin to recognize these patterns, the next question is:
“What should I do instead?”
In SPACE (Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions), the answer is not to remove support, but to change how support is given.
The Goal: Support Without Reinforcing Anxiety
SPACE focuses on helping parents respond in ways that are both:
Supportive (acknowledging the child’s feelings)
Non-accommodating (not helping the child avoid or escape anxiety)
This balance is key. Children continue to feel understood and supported, while also gaining opportunities to build confidence and independence.
What Supportive Responses Look Like
Supportive responses often include two parts: validation and confidence.
1. Validating Feelings
Validation means acknowledging that the child’s anxiety is real and difficult, without trying to immediately fix it.
Examples might sound like:
“I can see that this feels really hard for you.”
“It makes sense that you’re feeling nervous right now.”
This helps children feel understood, which can lower emotional intensity without relying on avoidance.
2. Expressing Confidence
Along with validation, parents communicate belief in the child’s ability to cope.
Examples include:
“I know you can handle this.”
“You’ve gotten through hard things before.”
This shifts the message from “you need help to be okay” to “you can do this, even if it’s uncomfortable.”
What Changes Over Time
Instead of:
Repeated reassurance → parents respond with consistent, calm statements
Immediate avoidance → children are supported in facing situations gradually
Parents stepping in → children practice doing more on their own
These changes are typically introduced gradually, not all at once.
What Supportive Responses Are Not
Supportive responding in SPACE is not about:
Ignoring a child’s distress
Forcing a child into overwhelming situations
Removing comfort or connection
Parents remain emotionally available and supportive throughout the process. The difference is that support is no longer tied to helping the child avoid anxiety.
Why This Approach Works
When children experience support alongside opportunities to face anxiety, they begin to learn:
Anxiety is uncomfortable, but manageable
They are capable of handling difficult feelings
They do not need to rely on avoidance to feel okay
Over time, this can lead to increased confidence and reduced anxiety-related limitations.
Bringing It All Together
SPACE is built on a simple but powerful shift:
From reducing anxiety in the moment
To building a child’s ability to handle anxiety over time
By changing how support is given, parents can play a direct role in helping their child develop lasting coping skills.
References
Breaking Free of Child Anxiety and OCD
Addressing Parental Accommodation When Treating Anxiety in Children
