Solving Problems Collaboratively: Behavior Series Part 4
Once triggers and lagging skills are identified and proactive supports are in place, an important question remains:
What do we do about the problems that keep coming up anyway?
In the Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) model, the answer is not more consequences or tighter control. Instead, Ross Greene emphasizes collaborative problem-solving, a structured way for adults and children to work together to address ongoing challenges. This process is designed to build skills, reduce conflict, and strengthen relationships over time.
Why Collaboration Matters
According to Greene, many behavior challenges persist because adults and children are stuck in a cycle:
Adults insist on compliance
Children become overwhelmed
Behavior escalates
Everyone leaves frustrated
CPS breaks this cycle by shifting from imposing solutions to solving problems together. Collaboration allows adults to understand the child’s perspective while still addressing adult concerns.
Importantly, collaboration does not mean giving in or removing expectations altogether. It means working toward solutions that are realistic and mutually acceptable.
The CPS Problem-Solving Process
Greene outlines a clear process for solving problems collaboratively. While it may look simple, the order of steps is essential.
1. Understanding the Child’s Perspective
The first step focuses on listening. Adults seek to understand the child’s concerns or difficulties related to a specific expectation.
This involves:
Asking neutral, open-ended questions
Listening without correcting or debating
Clarifying what the child is experiencing
The goal is not agreement, it’s understanding.
2. Sharing the Adult Concern
Once the child’s perspective is understood, the adult explains their concern. Greene emphasizes that adult concerns should be:
Specific
Focused on safety, learning, or well-being
Free of blame or judgment
This helps the child understand why the issue matters, rather than feeling controlled or punished.
3. Inviting Solutions
Finally, the adult and child work together to think about possible solutions. These solutions should:
Address both perspectives
Be realistic and achievable
Be revisited and adjusted if needed
This step teaches critical skills such as problem-solving, flexibility, and communication—skills that reduce future behavior challenges.
Why Timing Is Critical
Greene is clear that collaborative problem-solving must happen outside moments of crisis. When a child is already dysregulated, they cannot access the skills required for reflection and problem-solving.
Instead, CPS encourages adults to:
Choose calm, neutral moments
Focus on one problem at a time
Revisit conversations as needed
This proactive timing increases the likelihood of success for everyone involved.
What Collaboration Is and Is Not
It’s common for adults to worry that collaboration means:
Letting the child control decisions
Lowering expectations permanently
Avoiding accountability
CPS reframes collaboration as skill-building with guidance. Adults remain responsible for setting expectations, while children are supported in learning how to meet them.
What This Means for Parents and Teachers
When problems are solved collaboratively:
Children feel heard and respected
Adults gain insight into what’s getting in the way
Solutions are more likely to stick
Relationships are protected during difficult moments
Over time, this approach reduces repeated conflicts and helps children develop skills they can use across settings.
Coming Next in This Series
In the final post, we’ll explore why consistency and collaboration across home and school matter, and how shared language and teamwork can support lasting behavior change.
Reference
Greene, R. W. (2014). The Explosive Child (6th ed.). HarperCollins.
